A colleague of mine has recently passed that I would consider part of the anti-psychiatry movement. He spoke to the horrific abuse of the system, but never spoke about when it worked right. I guess it never worked for him and this saddens me. I read horrific stories in the paper and I know that things can go absolutely wrong.
At the same time, I have experienced success in my life with lots of wellness tools, which includes modern psychiatry. When I am unmedicated, I become angry and entrenched in my trauma and the narrative becomes larger than life. The stress is absolutely unlivable and I am sure I would have a serious physical illness. So, I am thankful for modern medicine that includes psychiatry. I am thankful for clinicians. I am especially thankful for trauma-informed clinicians and they are challenging to find.
So I guess if psychiatry isn't working for you, I would encourage you to do what is right for you. I used to believe that recovery for me would involve living without medication and I simply know that is wrong for me. I have a high quality of life, thanks to modern psychiatry and clinicians in addition to a host of other wellness tools, like peer support. I encourage you to keep hope alive and seek what works for you.
Its easy for clinicians to see through clinical lenses, if they have not been trained in trauma and even if they have. Treating trauma and validating appropriate social responses is a dance. If we only speak of our fears to our psychiatrist, we may find appropriate social fears being medicated away. We have instincts and its important to listen to them. Its also important not to be afraid all the time. There is a fine line between being a trauma survivor and acting appropriately based on knowledge learned and the real realities of mental health conditions. Recently I found myself reminding my psychiatrist that while I was afraid to turn corners of allies downtown alone that this was also an appropriate social response for a woman. She jogged what I said through her head and had to add that into the equation. We must dialogue about trauma with our doctors, so that we don't end up medicating away our appropriate social instincts.
It could have been any of us, because you don't have to be gay to be in a gay bar. I've been to gay bars with friends. I also feel this is an assault on young people, because they need open space to discover their identity. I can remember thinking I was gay in my 20's. This act is so cowardly and fear is at its heart. We destroy what we fear. My heart is with all my friends and mentors that are from the GLBTQ community. May love continue and be stronger than fear.
Being a trauma survivor in a family of trauma survivors is awkward, because no one else is talking about their trauma. I've been blessed by so many opportunities to have dialogues on trauma, but my family has not. The picture of a (deceased) pedophile still holds a place of honor in my family and that is just amiss for me. How can we celebrate together with these symbols? I guess the force of honoring the victims in our family is not given voice and upholding myths of honor is easier. I truly love my family and yet I feel they don't really know me or want to, at least this outspoken part of me. The dialogues of our families should change and honor victims of violence or at least value their stories with greater weight than keeping myths alive. As long as the myth lives, I will feel protective of my son around them. Lines are drawn in our family and in our culture about listening to trauma. Its easier to honor mythical figures that really don't exist than to feel the pain of the victim.
