Preteen Grief in Loss of Grandpa

 My son was being very mean, disrespectful, and rude after his grandfather died, for over a week.  He said he was fine at the therapists.  I was so resentful that he didn't seem to care about his passing.  His behavior escalated in careless insensitivities and I began disciplining him.  Then everything crescendoed in a crisis.  I made it very clear that I wasn't going anywhere and listened clearly to all his anger.  I empathized with his anger.  Then I asked if he hated me and then everything folded like a deck of cards.  He finally grieved out loud, and even supported me in my own tears.  That week was so hard waiting for him to fall into grief.  Everyone experiences grief differently, but it reminded me again that communication is so key, communication over discipline is key at all times.  

Peace,
Carol

Preteen Digital Detox

He had a chromebook, two tablets, a phone and access to my computer.  The result of which, he was lost.  After his last hospitalization, we have taken away the internet, the phone, and social media. We left limited TV and Xbox access. It was a radical move supported by the love of friends of our family from Church or in other words extended family.  What’s so fascinating is our son is less edgy and dramatic.  Our first clue we needed to take this step was the psychologist saying the music he was singing could alone make him obsessed with death.  Then our spiritual brother confirmed exactly what the psychologist was saying.  He’s now more social and engaged with every member of the family.  I always felt technology was something he needed to keep up with the changing world, but the world was changing him.  He seems so much clearer in his thoughts and more sure of himself.  He can catch up with technology later. It’s just that simple.