For the love of a Preteen...

 I realized finally after a rude wake up call that I must not depend on the therapist's one hour a week to change anything for my family's preteen.  I realized that the emotions vocabulary games we play randomly don't stick and that he must play them daily.  Today I am armed with emotional processing tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy that I must practice in my home.  I can not wait for the therapist to respond, I have to process the specific emotion with the right processing tool with him.  I thought that episodic responding would work, because my preteen is usually okay.  And I realize that being okay or good is the facade of the American preteen.  I also realize they love being drawn up in a drama and its not something their friend are doing to them, its the way of being a preteen.  I am awake and I plan to act to educate my preteen on emotions, they aren't a one time education or just a drama for your friends entertainment, they are a way of life.  I bought a Jinga game and a beach ball to write different emotions down, so that we can play games with the words daily.   We are going to play daily, it is a responsibility to our relationship.

Thank you Lilia Reyes for this photo!!

How COVID is Impacting Human Trafficking

I heard consultants describing the current time as a valley in the fight against human trafficking.  COVID-19 is changing human trafficking and prevention efforts.  Children are more vulnerable for labor and sex trafficking, because they are not physically required to assemble in a school.  There are fewer social engagements to witness the signs of human trafficking and report it.  An increase in poverty is leaving adults and children more vulnerable as victims.  Traffickers are moving to online tools to exploit more people out of necessity.  Online there are less witnesses and less rescue opportunities.  The lured victims are more vulnerable to disease. The wearing of masks make identification of a victim more difficult.  There are fewer places for victims of human trafficking to escape to, because hospitals are overflowing, shelter in place orders, and fewer businesses in general being open.

The Impact of COVID-19 on Modern Slavery and Human Trafficking · MIT Computational Law Report

​Cast LA | Coalition to Abolish Slavery and Human Trafficking | COVID-19 Impact on Cast and Human Trafficking Survivors - Cast LA

 

 

 

Surviving COVID-19 in the United States

 Its Friday and I'm awaiting results of a COVID test on a family member.  One of us has it and two of us don't.  At least, that's what I think.  We have had mild symptoms, but these were nothing compared to the one member of the family and the test was negative for me.  Maybe two of us have it, waiting on a test result.  Anyways, we are surviving thanks to several strategies.  I was terrified in the beginning, but each day is better.  I can't wait for vaccine to become available to us.

- The sickest person in the household is separated and has his own room and bathroom.

- The sickest person in the household does not touch the kitchen.

- I make him ginger cinnamon tea from scratch twice a day.

- We eat lots of chicken dishes, but are eating normally.

- We Lysol the room if I have to enter it and otherwise he is there on his own, unless the weather is nice and he can go outside.

- I left my pillow behind and I don't even go in there to get a change of clothes.  Two outfits are working for now.

- Our new GE dishwasher is running twice a day and seems to be effective in killing the virus.

- I wipe common touch surfaces frequently and more frequently if he walks through a given area. 

- I wear a mask night and day. 

- I hydrate my hands with lotion after I wash them.  I wash them every time I touch one of his dishes, before I cook, etc.

- I am grateful to my employers generous two weeks of sick leave for care giving, because none of us can leave the house.

- Prayer.  Our faith family has been praying for us all.  We pray daily.  God is watching over us.

- Thanks you Amazon Fresh for bringing some semblance of normalcy to our lives by delivering the things we use daily.

Growing is the Essence of Story

I was at a Wellness Summit yesterday called CNQR (Courage Normalize Question Recovery) pronounced "Conquer".  Kevin and Margaret Hines are sponsoring the day and the movement.  The question raised is why the story isn't more powerful in certain circles and what is it about story that saves lives.  So as I listened, I thought of a famous poet and master story teller: Robert Bly.  He teaches men about coming into manhood through story and rites of passage.  Well, I remembered something someone said to me about wanting to die really being about wanting to grow up at the same moment.  I think this is the major catalyst of a recovery/survival story is that it gives the individual opportunity for growth.  At the same time others are witnessing the growth, which gives a rich learning environment.  

But Robert Bly says something really important too, he says a man that is not admired by another man is a man that is hurting.  Well, story gives a window for admiration from the audience.

There are other key elements I found in listening that include: defining oneself or creation of identity, space for healing, sharing of hope, removing isolation, empowerment, taking back power from an overwhelming experience, connection, creation of meaning, and creation of relationships that in turn create community.  This is the power of a story!  

I know now this is why writing my book was such a powerful personal journey...

Book List that Inspired My Journey of Life

* 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (for getting it together)
* The Dance of Intimacy (for getting it together)
* Conscious Living (creating the life you want)
* Trauma and Recovery (understanding trauma)
* Emotional Intelligence (understanding the brain)
* Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma (facing trauma in the body)
* Trauma Proofing Your Kids (raising a child)
* What Color is Your Parachute (finding your skills for work)
* The Artist's Way (developing art skill)
* Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain (developing art skill)
* Deep Play (for the relationship)
* The 5 Languages of Love (for the relationship)
* The Happiest Baby on the Block (for new moms)

There are more, but this is a good start.

Environmental Influence on Suicide

When an individual is in a rigid or chaotic environment, where when the presence of a threat is possible and when is unknown, the result is a person becomes vigilant.  Vigilance results in concrete thoughts, another words a person's brain gets stuck and access to the abstract thinking center gets cut off.  As environments get harsher, there is movement to different stages of limbic thought.  The last stage is terror that results in reflexive thought.  I think the role of environment on the brain in suicidal behavior is important to recognize, as I study a table about children's brain development in Dr. Bruce Perry's book - The Boy Who Was Raised By a Dog.

Harsh environments cause a person's brain to create states of terror.  One can trigger early states of terror in a persons life by a touch, loud noise, yelling, etc.  So, it seems to makes sense that the same would hold true for professions where bodily harm is highly possible.  These professions would include things like police work, construction, the military, and perhaps human trafficking rescue work.  Being able to relax the brain in harsh environments should be a focus, if we want to assist people in extending their lives.  With relaxation, folks can begin to strategize more and access their thinking brain to engage creative vs stereotypic or rigid problem solving.

The threat of cultural collapse, as in historical trauma, could be a highly threatening environment also.  

That's all the thought I have right now.  Off to play therapy with my son.  If you are suicidal and want to engage in therapy or just connection, one can start the journey by calling 800-273-TALK.

Peace, 
Carol

My Courage to Live

I can remember very well my father's response when I was living a life I hated at age 21 about counseling.  He said you can not call the insurance company, my job is not going well and that will cause me to be fired.  I had lost everything I cared about for a man.  I dropped out of school, because he said so.  I took risks that I wouldn't ordinarily take and allowed him to abuse me spiritually and psychologically.  I drank to cope with the daily rage that I felt inside about my situation.  One day was so bad that I just started screaming and could not stop, as a reflex reaction.  I was absolutely miserable.  Then he left me.  When he left, I felt like I had absolutely nothing to offer to life.  Somewhere inside I found more rage and I focused it on getting help.  I reached out to the insurance company told them I was suicidal and got a counselor that week.  We worked for months and in time my life changed.  I started reading books for healing and inspiration, I asked other family members to help me, and I went back to school.  Eventually I took medicines that lifted my mood a bit.  I talked about thoughts and restructured them with my therapist.  I said goodbye to people and places that I felt were dangerous and I didn't want to be in over time.  In time I found peer support that enhanced my self esteem and general self-confidence in my abilities.  The thoughts lingered here and there, coming in and out like an automatic thought even when well.  I have learned that the thoughts get louder and more detailed, when my life is not going the way I want it to.  When I'm happy with my environment and my medication they disappear all together.  Digging in and finding community through creative arts and advocacy has really given me wings.  I wish you well on your journey in finding your wings, you deserve them and it just takes time with baby steps in the direction you want your life to be in.
A great step in starting a journey of life is to connect with counselors by phone by calling 800-273-TALK (The Suicide Prevention Lifeline).