Suicidal Behavior and Loss

 

Suicide prevention is missing the mark.  Suicide prevention is dancing around a major issue, which is how Americans deal with grief.  This is the crux of the epidemic.  America is running from feeling of grief and we need to stop, cry, and face our past losses.  If you know someone that is suicidal, what would happen if you said, “Suicide is about finding a way to grieve your losses, its not about what’s wrong with you.  I want to hear how you are surviving without…..?”.  

We are facing so many losses as a culture.  The younger generation is losing their ancestors due to COVID.  I feel this is one of the driving forces of the uptick in the suicide in youth.  Loss is something that is often avoided, if a family avoids speaking about loss, then the loss may speak on its own in suicidal behaviors.  

Protective factors are important, how we communicate is important, resiliency skills are important, but these acts are specific communication tools for loss that the person can not put into words.  As a culture we must learn to grieve in a healthy way by talking about loss to each other versus walking away from it.

What if there were more grief counselors in this world?  This is the place to begin healing the suicide epidemic in our culture.

 

If your hurting, reach out: Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK

Author: Carol Coussons de Reyes, MS, Certified Peer Specialist 

Preteen Grief in Loss of Grandpa

 My son was being very mean, disrespectful, and rude after his grandfather died, for over a week.  He said he was fine at the therapists.  I was so resentful that he didn't seem to care about his passing.  His behavior escalated in careless insensitivities and I began disciplining him.  Then everything crescendoed in a crisis.  I made it very clear that I wasn't going anywhere and listened clearly to all his anger.  I empathized with his anger.  Then I asked if he hated me and then everything folded like a deck of cards.  He finally grieved out loud, and even supported me in my own tears.  That week was so hard waiting for him to fall into grief.  Everyone experiences grief differently, but it reminded me again that communication is so key, communication over discipline is key at all times.  

Peace,
Carol

Preteen Digital Detox

He had a chromebook, two tablets, a phone and access to my computer.  The result of which, he was lost.  After his last hospitalization, we have taken away the internet, the phone, and social media. We left limited TV and Xbox access. It was a radical move supported by the love of friends of our family from Church or in other words extended family.  What’s so fascinating is our son is less edgy and dramatic.  Our first clue we needed to take this step was the psychologist saying the music he was singing could alone make him obsessed with death.  Then our spiritual brother confirmed exactly what the psychologist was saying.  He’s now more social and engaged with every member of the family.  I always felt technology was something he needed to keep up with the changing world, but the world was changing him.  He seems so much clearer in his thoughts and more sure of himself.  He can catch up with technology later. It’s just that simple.

For the love of a Preteen...

 I realized finally after a rude wake up call that I must not depend on the therapist's one hour a week to change anything for my family's preteen.  I realized that the emotions vocabulary games we play randomly don't stick and that he must play them daily.  Today I am armed with emotional processing tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy that I must practice in my home.  I can not wait for the therapist to respond, I have to process the specific emotion with the right processing tool with him.  I thought that episodic responding would work, because my preteen is usually okay.  And I realize that being okay or good is the facade of the American preteen.  I also realize they love being drawn up in a drama and its not something their friend are doing to them, its the way of being a preteen.  I am awake and I plan to act to educate my preteen on emotions, they aren't a one time education or just a drama for your friends entertainment, they are a way of life.  I bought a Jinga game and a beach ball to write different emotions down, so that we can play games with the words daily.   We are going to play daily, it is a responsibility to our relationship.

Thank you Lilia Reyes for this photo!!

How COVID is Impacting Human Trafficking

I heard consultants describing the current time as a valley in the fight against human trafficking.  COVID-19 is changing human trafficking and prevention efforts.  Children are more vulnerable for labor and sex trafficking, because they are not physically required to assemble in a school.  There are fewer social engagements to witness the signs of human trafficking and report it.  An increase in poverty is leaving adults and children more vulnerable as victims.  Traffickers are moving to online tools to exploit more people out of necessity.  Online there are less witnesses and less rescue opportunities.  The lured victims are more vulnerable to disease. The wearing of masks make identification of a victim more difficult.  There are fewer places for victims of human trafficking to escape to, because hospitals are overflowing, shelter in place orders, and fewer businesses in general being open.

The Impact of COVID-19 on Modern Slavery and Human Trafficking · MIT Computational Law Report

​Cast LA | Coalition to Abolish Slavery and Human Trafficking | COVID-19 Impact on Cast and Human Trafficking Survivors - Cast LA

 

 

 

Surviving COVID-19 in the United States

 Its Friday and I'm awaiting results of a COVID test on a family member.  One of us has it and two of us don't.  At least, that's what I think.  We have had mild symptoms, but these were nothing compared to the one member of the family and the test was negative for me.  Maybe two of us have it, waiting on a test result.  Anyways, we are surviving thanks to several strategies.  I was terrified in the beginning, but each day is better.  I can't wait for vaccine to become available to us.

- The sickest person in the household is separated and has his own room and bathroom.

- The sickest person in the household does not touch the kitchen.

- I make him ginger cinnamon tea from scratch twice a day.

- We eat lots of chicken dishes, but are eating normally.

- We Lysol the room if I have to enter it and otherwise he is there on his own, unless the weather is nice and he can go outside.

- I left my pillow behind and I don't even go in there to get a change of clothes.  Two outfits are working for now.

- Our new GE dishwasher is running twice a day and seems to be effective in killing the virus.

- I wipe common touch surfaces frequently and more frequently if he walks through a given area. 

- I wear a mask night and day. 

- I hydrate my hands with lotion after I wash them.  I wash them every time I touch one of his dishes, before I cook, etc.

- I am grateful to my employers generous two weeks of sick leave for care giving, because none of us can leave the house.

- Prayer.  Our faith family has been praying for us all.  We pray daily.  God is watching over us.

- Thanks you Amazon Fresh for bringing some semblance of normalcy to our lives by delivering the things we use daily.

Growing is the Essence of Story

I was at a Wellness Summit yesterday called CNQR (Courage Normalize Question Recovery) pronounced "Conquer".  Kevin and Margaret Hines are sponsoring the day and the movement.  The question raised is why the story isn't more powerful in certain circles and what is it about story that saves lives.  So as I listened, I thought of a famous poet and master story teller: Robert Bly.  He teaches men about coming into manhood through story and rites of passage.  Well, I remembered something someone said to me about wanting to die really being about wanting to grow up at the same moment.  I think this is the major catalyst of a recovery/survival story is that it gives the individual opportunity for growth.  At the same time others are witnessing the growth, which gives a rich learning environment.  

But Robert Bly says something really important too, he says a man that is not admired by another man is a man that is hurting.  Well, story gives a window for admiration from the audience.

There are other key elements I found in listening that include: defining oneself or creation of identity, space for healing, sharing of hope, removing isolation, empowerment, taking back power from an overwhelming experience, connection, creation of meaning, and creation of relationships that in turn create community.  This is the power of a story!  

I know now this is why writing my book was such a powerful personal journey...